These tricks became known as Life Hacks, and they are still very popular. Unfortunately, the people of the internet demanded infinite life hacks, and like Icarus, the content creators may have flown too close to the sun. These tips became impractical, cruel, and downright ridiculous. Still, they are technically life hacks, and if you’re desperate to avoid work, one or two might work. Probably not though. A great, health-conscious way to get protein in your system is the ever-excellent egg. If you’re one of those people that doesn’t like eggs, try mixing them with cocoa, butter, flour, and water. Bake that mixture for a while, and I bet you’ll enjoy those eggs a lot more. I mean why would you own a bookmark when you just started reading again? Should you find yourself in this situation, I recommend just grabbing any condiment out of your refrigerator, let’s say ketchup, and squirting a little on to the page you’re going to stop. I’m keeping things dramatic. Anyway, when you’re in school and having a rough day, you don’t want to ruin those expensive textbooks. Just to be safe, I recommend laminating every page so the tears just slide right off. Should you slip up in front of another person, and they dare to question you, immediately blurt out “How long are you going to hold this over me?” Put them on the back foot. Make them apologize. You deserve it. Now, if your sink is full of dirty dishes, and visitors are coming over, just put that picture over the dishes and it’ll look like you have an empty sink. At least from far away. Maybe still keep your guests out of the kitchen. Just memorize every song ever written, or at least all the popular ones. Then have your guests pick songs out and amaze them as you correctly list out the notes being sung. Everyone knows you can’t wish for more wishes, but no one ever says anything about wishing for more genies. Get as many as you can, even the ones that look like a blue Will Smith. If you’re hesitant at all about skipping “the most important meal of the day” just start referring to lunch as breakfast. Tell yourself you’re really skipping dinner. This should trick your body into being healthy despite the missed meal. Avoid this whole mess by ditching the smoke detectors and replacing them with un-popped popcorn bags. If that salty, buttery smell hits you in the middle of the night, then you know to get outside. You might even get a snack to take with you. So, next time your car is making a weird or annoying noise, just turn the radio up. It’s a high powered piece of engineering. Everything will work itself out while you jam out. Weirdly enough, puppies still do the job. If you’re constantly carrying puppies, no one can ask you for help with anything. Keep at least two on you at all times, and you can avoid humans entirely. When in the restroom, make as much noise as possible to cover up embarrassing noise. Bang on the walls, scream, maybe break something. As long as they can’t hear your true purpose, you should come out with the high social standing you went in with. There’s just not enough spaces. Luckily, cars are legally required to include hazard lights, or as I call them, parking passes. Pull right up to your destination and turn those suckers on. As long as you’re okay leaving your car idling, you can stay parked as long as you like. Usually talking “Star Wars” movies will do the trick. Timing is important here. Try to wait for the last minute on this one. Hopefully, they bought your gift early, and just reluctantly give it to you rather than throwing it away.
